In no particular order; more coming soon:
* If you get a flat on the Garden State Parkway, you have to call the State Troopers, and they call a tow company with parkway privileges.
* Dogs can’t pee or poo in water. They get out, do their business, then get back in.
* Americans eat dinner early not because they are less sophisticated than Europeans or out of respect for their agricultural roots, but because they want enough time to digest before heading out for lots and lots of delicious ice cream.
* Unrelated: Cold Stone Creamery is not named after an adorable dairy farm somewhere; they use a literal cold stone to create ice cream concoctions.
* When buying a home, people will make their decision based solely on the presence of granite counter tops and stainless steel appliances in the kitchen.
* An “Arnold Palmer” is iced tea and lemonade mixed together.
* Cigarettes are hella expensive.
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